Don't take your love away from me... Don't you leave my heart in misery... If you go then I'll be blue... Cause breaking up is hard to do..."
Neil Sedaka could not have sung words more true. If you have ever been through a break up, you know how painful and difficult a time it can be. You are thrown onto an emotional rollercoaster with no end in sight.
If you think about it, every recovery program has steps to follow, whether it be grief recovery, quitting smoking, or stopping drinking; you need a plan to follow and stick to if you are every gong to move on.
Your brain is telling you that you need to move on. You know it is true, but your heart is in the way. Follow these five steps and begin the healing process before you waste more precious time in pain and dwelling on the past...
Step #1: Get It All Out
You need to get everything off your chest in the beginning when emotions are ripe with depression, anger and confusion. Reach out and talk with your best friends and other people you're close to. Your emotions are real and justifiable; talking about the break up will be good for you, initially. Bottling up emotions is not healthy, and doing so will only hinder the moving on process.
Step #2: Time For Acceptance
After getting everything off your chest, you are going to have to face the reality of what has happened. If the break up just occurred, this may seem nearly impossible right now. Which is why step one is so important as it is key to the emotional release you need while giving you the time it takes to begin the healing process necessary to make this step achievable. Simply stop talking about the situation. Not only will those you chose to confide in tire of hearing about it, but continuing to keep your ex fresh in your mind by dwelling on "what was", or "what could have been" will not enable you to move on. This is the stage of acceptance. Acknowledge that this chapter of your life has closed and encourage yourself to move on.
Step #3: Keep Your Distance
Even if your ex wants to still be friends, now is simply not the time. Because the wounds are still fresh and you are vulnerable, contact with him or her will only make it harder to move on. Avoid all contact whatsoever, and this means no calling to make sure he/she is doing ok, emailing, texting or answering any of the previous. While you are distancing, it really helps to keep busy. Dive into a new project, start a hobby or make sure you always have something planned with your friends and family. Start to picture yourself completely over your ex during this time. You will start to feel amazing just hanging out and laughing with your friends, meeting new people and just enjoying life again. This step is really where you will begin to notice changes in your attitude and feelings about moving on.
Step #4: A Learning Experience
Now that you have come this far, you are able to step away and analyze the situation from the outside. A huge part of moving on after a break up is learning from your experience. Not just about the break up, but the entire relationship including all the good and bad. Don't lay the blame entirely on yourself or the other person, but instead look at what was good about the relationship, what was bad, and what led to the ending of it. Take that information and use it to your advantage in your next relationship. You will be surprised at how much you will be looking forward to that at this point! Moving on seemed impossible in the beginning, and now you can see the light at the end of the tunnel...
Step #5: You Come First
You are almost there, ready to move on armed with crucial information to make your next relationship the best experience ever...but first there is one more important step. You need to give yourself time to focus on YOU before starting another relationship. Continue with the hobbies, projects and time with friends and family that you started when you needed to be busy. Not only will this give you a life of your own, but it may be an avenue to meeting new people. Your self-esteem most likely took a dive since the break up, so treat yourself to a new hair style, a make-over, a few new outfits or join a health club.
After spending some time on step five you should begin to feel a sense of recovery, be well informed, feeling healthy, and excited to move on with your life. Just don't go overboard with excessive socializing, meeting new people and flirting. You don't want to come across as desperate or overly-needy. Simply relax, take it slow and enjoy yourself. Being confident and having a positive outlook will give you the inner strength you need when trying to move on. With this in mind, and following the steps above you will be ready to move on and find happiness once again.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
WHY DO WE LIE?AND WHY DO WE WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH
WHY DO WE LIE ALWAYS
It's accepted to think that it's very important to always tell the truth in life in general and specifically in relationships.
But let's see why truth is so important to people...
They simply don't understand what the real reason for lying is.
We seem to think that our partners lie to us, because:
They don't love us, They don't care about us, They want to hurt us, We are not important to them, They betray us...
But this is even not close to what's really going on.
Actually we are lying not to hurt somebody else, but to protect ourselves. We are lying because of our weaknesses.
Sometimes if we tell the truth, people don't accept it. They criticize us, and express anger towards us. And if it's a similar attitude to our own, it becomes a difficult experience.
It's hard to hear that we are not good enough if we really think that we. When we feel whole and complete inside, it doesn't matter what people say about us and how they treat us.
Everyone of us is looking for freedom of being. We want to feel comfortable with ourselves and with what we do.
But there are some problems with this- we don't feel the legitimization to do it. We don't feel comfortable with ourselves, and we don't believe we really deserve to do what we want.
We learned this from our childhood from our parents and from society. They don't encourage individuals. They want everyone to stay "low" in order to control them.
So when someone judges or criticizes us or our deeds, we prefer to hide the truth in order not to hear that "we are not ok". We prefer to lie to prevent the situation, where we have to protect our right to want, our right to do and our right to be.
And why are we in need of KNOWING the TRUTH?
Why is it so important to us?
Because we believe that anything our partners do, can affect and influence us. And actually the love, happiness and abundance are always available inside without any connection to anything and to anyone.
Our "center" is weak; we define ourselves according to another people. We give them a power to decide for us if we are going to be happy or upset. We give them a the power to make us suffer.
Aren't you sick of it yet?
It's accepted to think that it's very important to always tell the truth in life in general and specifically in relationships.
But let's see why truth is so important to people...
They simply don't understand what the real reason for lying is.
We seem to think that our partners lie to us, because:
They don't love us, They don't care about us, They want to hurt us, We are not important to them, They betray us...
But this is even not close to what's really going on.
Actually we are lying not to hurt somebody else, but to protect ourselves. We are lying because of our weaknesses.
Sometimes if we tell the truth, people don't accept it. They criticize us, and express anger towards us. And if it's a similar attitude to our own, it becomes a difficult experience.
It's hard to hear that we are not good enough if we really think that we. When we feel whole and complete inside, it doesn't matter what people say about us and how they treat us.
Everyone of us is looking for freedom of being. We want to feel comfortable with ourselves and with what we do.
But there are some problems with this- we don't feel the legitimization to do it. We don't feel comfortable with ourselves, and we don't believe we really deserve to do what we want.
We learned this from our childhood from our parents and from society. They don't encourage individuals. They want everyone to stay "low" in order to control them.
So when someone judges or criticizes us or our deeds, we prefer to hide the truth in order not to hear that "we are not ok". We prefer to lie to prevent the situation, where we have to protect our right to want, our right to do and our right to be.
And why are we in need of KNOWING the TRUTH?
Why is it so important to us?
Because we believe that anything our partners do, can affect and influence us. And actually the love, happiness and abundance are always available inside without any connection to anything and to anyone.
Our "center" is weak; we define ourselves according to another people. We give them a power to decide for us if we are going to be happy or upset. We give them a the power to make us suffer.
Aren't you sick of it yet?
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
POWERFULL SECRETS TO SEDUCING WOMEN
How many times have you taken a girl out or spent time with her only to have her reject you or not show much interest? Sometimes you'll find her with someone else who doesn't treat her nearly as well as you do. It's frustrating when this happens and here are some of the reasons why:
Firstly, you need to understand that you don't have to buy her affection. She is not going to like you more because you buy her flowers or gifts. They may accentuate her feelings once she is already attracted to you, but buying her gifts before she feels that way tells her two things.
- That you don't have enough going for you to make her like you so you will try and buy her attention with gifts. She will think you are overcompensating for your insecurity.
- And secondly there is a possibility she will think you are trying to manipulate the situation and this will not impress her.
Another temptation guys have is that they will want to share how they feel too early on in the relationship. This can even happen within the first few times of meeting a girl. We think that if we let her know how we feel she will like us back. The fact is, telling her how we feel is not going to change the way she feels about us.
Attractive women get asked out all the time by men and know what to expect. It's no good just adding yourself to the list. You don't want to signal to her that you are just like everybody else. So relax, there are other ways to let her know you are interested.
Understanding how attraction works is the key to being able to seduce women. After years of getting this wrong, I have found out that attraction for women is generally not based on looks. While knowing this intellectually, I still didn't act like it. What I mean is that while I knew attraction wasn't the only thing in a relationship, I didn't work on my personality and social skills to be somebody women are attracted to.
Women are more attracted to qualities of a mans character, his communication skills and the way he makes her feel, and not on looks alone.
Firstly, you need to understand that you don't have to buy her affection. She is not going to like you more because you buy her flowers or gifts. They may accentuate her feelings once she is already attracted to you, but buying her gifts before she feels that way tells her two things.
- That you don't have enough going for you to make her like you so you will try and buy her attention with gifts. She will think you are overcompensating for your insecurity.
- And secondly there is a possibility she will think you are trying to manipulate the situation and this will not impress her.
Another temptation guys have is that they will want to share how they feel too early on in the relationship. This can even happen within the first few times of meeting a girl. We think that if we let her know how we feel she will like us back. The fact is, telling her how we feel is not going to change the way she feels about us.
Attractive women get asked out all the time by men and know what to expect. It's no good just adding yourself to the list. You don't want to signal to her that you are just like everybody else. So relax, there are other ways to let her know you are interested.
Understanding how attraction works is the key to being able to seduce women. After years of getting this wrong, I have found out that attraction for women is generally not based on looks. While knowing this intellectually, I still didn't act like it. What I mean is that while I knew attraction wasn't the only thing in a relationship, I didn't work on my personality and social skills to be somebody women are attracted to.
Women are more attracted to qualities of a mans character, his communication skills and the way he makes her feel, and not on looks alone.
HOW TO GET THE GIRL YOU LIKE
There are many reasons why men fail to attract women. Some of these are more vital than others. These common mistakes men make will really turn a woman off, so don't get caught out doing these three things:
1) Trying to be 'Mr. Nice Guy'. When guys are around a girl they like they immediately change their character. Many of them turn into a nice guy who will do anything for anyone. The problem is women never seem to be attracted to nice guys.
Have you noticed that your female friends never seem to be romantically interested in you? That is because women do not choose who to date based on whether someone is nice or not. It certainly plays a part, but women need to feel a deeper level of attraction.
2) What do you do when you meet a girl you really like but she doesn't seem to be interested in you? Most guys will try harder to get her attention. They will try to persuade her to like them.
Trying to convince a girl to like you at an intellectual level will never change the way she feels about you emotionally. This is an important point to note, because no amount of reasoning with her or chasing her will change her mind. Once you realize this and stop begging her to like you, you can start working on methods that will help her fell an attraction to you.
3) The third critical mistake men make follows along the same lines as the two above. It involves trying to get her approval or not doing anything without her permission. In an effort to please women, men don't want to make mistakes so they look for a woman's approval. You will never be successful if you go about trying to attract women in this way.
Women actually get annoyed at men who try to get their approval. They come across and having no self respect, weak willed and desperate. Make sure you don't fall into this category
1) Trying to be 'Mr. Nice Guy'. When guys are around a girl they like they immediately change their character. Many of them turn into a nice guy who will do anything for anyone. The problem is women never seem to be attracted to nice guys.
Have you noticed that your female friends never seem to be romantically interested in you? That is because women do not choose who to date based on whether someone is nice or not. It certainly plays a part, but women need to feel a deeper level of attraction.
2) What do you do when you meet a girl you really like but she doesn't seem to be interested in you? Most guys will try harder to get her attention. They will try to persuade her to like them.
Trying to convince a girl to like you at an intellectual level will never change the way she feels about you emotionally. This is an important point to note, because no amount of reasoning with her or chasing her will change her mind. Once you realize this and stop begging her to like you, you can start working on methods that will help her fell an attraction to you.
3) The third critical mistake men make follows along the same lines as the two above. It involves trying to get her approval or not doing anything without her permission. In an effort to please women, men don't want to make mistakes so they look for a woman's approval. You will never be successful if you go about trying to attract women in this way.
Women actually get annoyed at men who try to get their approval. They come across and having no self respect, weak willed and desperate. Make sure you don't fall into this category
HOW CAN I TELL IF MY BOYFRIEND IS RIGTH FOR ME
THE TWO TRICKS THAT SHOULD BE IN YOUR ARSENAL:
It's really uneasy when you spend sleepless nights after having a great time with the man that you're with. BUT for some reason, you think that something is 'off'...something in the relationship isn't right.
A lot of women are stuck in the same problem just like you.
Other women's relationships turn out to be with the man that's right for them. BUT the less fortunate ones found themselves in a stinging heartbreak after finding out that the boyfriend they're with for a long time now isn't their Mr. Right.
You sure don't want to carry that risk.
Heck! It only takes one painful break up to change your life for the worse for the years to come. Believe me, you don't want this to be a guessing game and you want to know how can I tell if my boyfriend is right for me.
This is where these 2 neat tricks that acts like a guided-missile...pinpointing if the man you're with is the right one for you come into play.
Read and apply these tricks...you'll need them.
How Can I Tell If My Boyfriend Is Right For Me Trick 1: Trust your gut feelings and instinct.
If you're head over heels about the guy and the 2 of you are always having a GREAT time together...BUT for some reason, at the back your head you think that he doesn't feel the same way, chances are something's wrong.
Be straightforward and ask him about how he feels for you...and if he'll be ready to commit when the right time comes.
If he evades that question or shoves it to the side, you better find someone else.
Otherwise, you'll spend the days with him with a seed of doubt about his feelings growing everyday. You don't want a relationship that's filled of doubts and suspicion.
How Can I Tell If My Boyfriend Is Right For Me Trick 2: Communicate properly.
And by that, I mean you should know when to talk and when to listen. Simple everyday conversations with your boyfriend should lead to insights about how he will behave and act when you're together as a married couple.
If at this stage he begins to show facets of his personality that's unacceptable to you, you may want to rethink seriously about your relationship with him.
Would you love to have a man in your life who is fully committed to you, a man who treats you special, gives you comfort and security... and simply asks you how your day was?
Would you like to learn how to captivate a man with your sharp wits and your kind heart... and never have to worry about just being wanted for sex again?
If you answered, "YES" to any of these questions, I have some exciting news for you...
I've discovered what I like to think of as a "man manual" that literally ANY woman can use to
It's really uneasy when you spend sleepless nights after having a great time with the man that you're with. BUT for some reason, you think that something is 'off'...something in the relationship isn't right.
A lot of women are stuck in the same problem just like you.
Other women's relationships turn out to be with the man that's right for them. BUT the less fortunate ones found themselves in a stinging heartbreak after finding out that the boyfriend they're with for a long time now isn't their Mr. Right.
You sure don't want to carry that risk.
Heck! It only takes one painful break up to change your life for the worse for the years to come. Believe me, you don't want this to be a guessing game and you want to know how can I tell if my boyfriend is right for me.
This is where these 2 neat tricks that acts like a guided-missile...pinpointing if the man you're with is the right one for you come into play.
Read and apply these tricks...you'll need them.
How Can I Tell If My Boyfriend Is Right For Me Trick 1: Trust your gut feelings and instinct.
If you're head over heels about the guy and the 2 of you are always having a GREAT time together...BUT for some reason, at the back your head you think that he doesn't feel the same way, chances are something's wrong.
Be straightforward and ask him about how he feels for you...and if he'll be ready to commit when the right time comes.
If he evades that question or shoves it to the side, you better find someone else.
Otherwise, you'll spend the days with him with a seed of doubt about his feelings growing everyday. You don't want a relationship that's filled of doubts and suspicion.
How Can I Tell If My Boyfriend Is Right For Me Trick 2: Communicate properly.
And by that, I mean you should know when to talk and when to listen. Simple everyday conversations with your boyfriend should lead to insights about how he will behave and act when you're together as a married couple.
If at this stage he begins to show facets of his personality that's unacceptable to you, you may want to rethink seriously about your relationship with him.
Would you love to have a man in your life who is fully committed to you, a man who treats you special, gives you comfort and security... and simply asks you how your day was?
Would you like to learn how to captivate a man with your sharp wits and your kind heart... and never have to worry about just being wanted for sex again?
If you answered, "YES" to any of these questions, I have some exciting news for you...
I've discovered what I like to think of as a "man manual" that literally ANY woman can use to
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