Don't take your love away from me... Don't you leave my heart in misery... If you go then I'll be blue... Cause breaking up is hard to do..."
Neil Sedaka could not have sung words more true. If you have ever been through a break up, you know how painful and difficult a time it can be. You are thrown onto an emotional rollercoaster with no end in sight.
If you think about it, every recovery program has steps to follow, whether it be grief recovery, quitting smoking, or stopping drinking; you need a plan to follow and stick to if you are every gong to move on.
Your brain is telling you that you need to move on. You know it is true, but your heart is in the way. Follow these five steps and begin the healing process before you waste more precious time in pain and dwelling on the past...
Step #1: Get It All Out
You need to get everything off your chest in the beginning when emotions are ripe with depression, anger and confusion. Reach out and talk with your best friends and other people you're close to. Your emotions are real and justifiable; talking about the break up will be good for you, initially. Bottling up emotions is not healthy, and doing so will only hinder the moving on process.
Step #2: Time For Acceptance
After getting everything off your chest, you are going to have to face the reality of what has happened. If the break up just occurred, this may seem nearly impossible right now. Which is why step one is so important as it is key to the emotional release you need while giving you the time it takes to begin the healing process necessary to make this step achievable. Simply stop talking about the situation. Not only will those you chose to confide in tire of hearing about it, but continuing to keep your ex fresh in your mind by dwelling on "what was", or "what could have been" will not enable you to move on. This is the stage of acceptance. Acknowledge that this chapter of your life has closed and encourage yourself to move on.
Step #3: Keep Your Distance
Even if your ex wants to still be friends, now is simply not the time. Because the wounds are still fresh and you are vulnerable, contact with him or her will only make it harder to move on. Avoid all contact whatsoever, and this means no calling to make sure he/she is doing ok, emailing, texting or answering any of the previous. While you are distancing, it really helps to keep busy. Dive into a new project, start a hobby or make sure you always have something planned with your friends and family. Start to picture yourself completely over your ex during this time. You will start to feel amazing just hanging out and laughing with your friends, meeting new people and just enjoying life again. This step is really where you will begin to notice changes in your attitude and feelings about moving on.
Step #4: A Learning Experience
Now that you have come this far, you are able to step away and analyze the situation from the outside. A huge part of moving on after a break up is learning from your experience. Not just about the break up, but the entire relationship including all the good and bad. Don't lay the blame entirely on yourself or the other person, but instead look at what was good about the relationship, what was bad, and what led to the ending of it. Take that information and use it to your advantage in your next relationship. You will be surprised at how much you will be looking forward to that at this point! Moving on seemed impossible in the beginning, and now you can see the light at the end of the tunnel...
Step #5: You Come First
You are almost there, ready to move on armed with crucial information to make your next relationship the best experience ever...but first there is one more important step. You need to give yourself time to focus on YOU before starting another relationship. Continue with the hobbies, projects and time with friends and family that you started when you needed to be busy. Not only will this give you a life of your own, but it may be an avenue to meeting new people. Your self-esteem most likely took a dive since the break up, so treat yourself to a new hair style, a make-over, a few new outfits or join a health club.
After spending some time on step five you should begin to feel a sense of recovery, be well informed, feeling healthy, and excited to move on with your life. Just don't go overboard with excessive socializing, meeting new people and flirting. You don't want to come across as desperate or overly-needy. Simply relax, take it slow and enjoy yourself. Being confident and having a positive outlook will give you the inner strength you need when trying to move on. With this in mind, and following the steps above you will be ready to move on and find happiness once again.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
WHY DO WE LIE?AND WHY DO WE WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH
WHY DO WE LIE ALWAYS
It's accepted to think that it's very important to always tell the truth in life in general and specifically in relationships.
But let's see why truth is so important to people...
They simply don't understand what the real reason for lying is.
We seem to think that our partners lie to us, because:
They don't love us, They don't care about us, They want to hurt us, We are not important to them, They betray us...
But this is even not close to what's really going on.
Actually we are lying not to hurt somebody else, but to protect ourselves. We are lying because of our weaknesses.
Sometimes if we tell the truth, people don't accept it. They criticize us, and express anger towards us. And if it's a similar attitude to our own, it becomes a difficult experience.
It's hard to hear that we are not good enough if we really think that we. When we feel whole and complete inside, it doesn't matter what people say about us and how they treat us.
Everyone of us is looking for freedom of being. We want to feel comfortable with ourselves and with what we do.
But there are some problems with this- we don't feel the legitimization to do it. We don't feel comfortable with ourselves, and we don't believe we really deserve to do what we want.
We learned this from our childhood from our parents and from society. They don't encourage individuals. They want everyone to stay "low" in order to control them.
So when someone judges or criticizes us or our deeds, we prefer to hide the truth in order not to hear that "we are not ok". We prefer to lie to prevent the situation, where we have to protect our right to want, our right to do and our right to be.
And why are we in need of KNOWING the TRUTH?
Why is it so important to us?
Because we believe that anything our partners do, can affect and influence us. And actually the love, happiness and abundance are always available inside without any connection to anything and to anyone.
Our "center" is weak; we define ourselves according to another people. We give them a power to decide for us if we are going to be happy or upset. We give them a the power to make us suffer.
Aren't you sick of it yet?
It's accepted to think that it's very important to always tell the truth in life in general and specifically in relationships.
But let's see why truth is so important to people...
They simply don't understand what the real reason for lying is.
We seem to think that our partners lie to us, because:
They don't love us, They don't care about us, They want to hurt us, We are not important to them, They betray us...
But this is even not close to what's really going on.
Actually we are lying not to hurt somebody else, but to protect ourselves. We are lying because of our weaknesses.
Sometimes if we tell the truth, people don't accept it. They criticize us, and express anger towards us. And if it's a similar attitude to our own, it becomes a difficult experience.
It's hard to hear that we are not good enough if we really think that we. When we feel whole and complete inside, it doesn't matter what people say about us and how they treat us.
Everyone of us is looking for freedom of being. We want to feel comfortable with ourselves and with what we do.
But there are some problems with this- we don't feel the legitimization to do it. We don't feel comfortable with ourselves, and we don't believe we really deserve to do what we want.
We learned this from our childhood from our parents and from society. They don't encourage individuals. They want everyone to stay "low" in order to control them.
So when someone judges or criticizes us or our deeds, we prefer to hide the truth in order not to hear that "we are not ok". We prefer to lie to prevent the situation, where we have to protect our right to want, our right to do and our right to be.
And why are we in need of KNOWING the TRUTH?
Why is it so important to us?
Because we believe that anything our partners do, can affect and influence us. And actually the love, happiness and abundance are always available inside without any connection to anything and to anyone.
Our "center" is weak; we define ourselves according to another people. We give them a power to decide for us if we are going to be happy or upset. We give them a the power to make us suffer.
Aren't you sick of it yet?
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